She knew that she wasn’t there to be herself. She was playing a role. Perhaps she just helped in some way. Perhaps she was the home base for journeys on which she was not invited. Perhaps she was only small. Perhaps she was the coffee table, sentient and dreaming. Something was off, just enough incongruity in the dialog and timing.
She’d argue, because she knew she was substantial, tangible. She knew. But there were solid terms of her appointment. Her words possessed a gravity that was made of hope and ideas of what could be, but were weak against the absolutes, the larger forces. When she’d break out, occasionally, she’d breathe, but eventually find her way back to that horrible equilibrium that was dancing delicately on pins of hunger and abstinence. Back to the same stage. So much for rearranging the furniture, rewriting the dialog in the next scene.